Jun 28, 2010

one year ago today...

Its hard to believe that its been a year since I was standing at our church picnic wondering if my oldest son was going to live. Hard to believe its been a year since I was watching Caleb give him rescue breaths. A year since the worst day of my life.

We are so thankful our Cole Michael is alive. And not only alive, but living with no indications that he ever had a closed head injury. He is still smart as ever, and remembers more about as he calls it 'breaking my head' than I really wish he did! The only thing that was affected by the fall was his emotions. He has always been a quick crier, and we had been making great strides in that area, but after everything happened it was as if a year's time had been shaved off of his emotional development.   Honestly, he was an emotional wreck and, as the doctors reassured me, it was to be expected. I mean the kid almost died, spent over 48 hours in the PICU and another 48 on the regular floor in the hospital. Thats pretty traumatic stuff. Sometimes he would get so upset for no reason and at the silliest things and he would sob and sob and yell and yell and all I could do in those moments was hold him close and cry with him. As time wore on he got better and better at controlling his anger/emotions and though he is not completely done with the outbursts, I do feel like we are at least back to where he was before the fall.

I didnt deal with anything that happened until about 3-4 months afterwards. Don't get me wrong, for a long long time I recounted the events of that day in my head every day. I just couldnt get it out of my mind. But one night, it was just overwhelming. We were lying in bed, almost asleep and I started bawling. I mean seriously crying and crying. I had to hold him. I spent a long time in Cole's bed that night, praying, crying, thanking Jesus for letting me continue to be Cole's mama.

Like every mom, there are times when I start to long for different days. Days when I can go to the bathroom alone, or sit at dinner and not say the words 'take a bite, please' 800 times. And it never fails... its the days when I long to be kid free that I look over at my sweet Cole Michael, he smiles, and the Lord reminds me how fortunate I am to be a mommy. He reminds me to enjoy these sweet gifts He has given to Caleb and me because in an instant they could be gone.

Oh how we love our sweet children. The Lord has blessed us beyond measure. He indeed is gracious in all things!

Jun 24, 2010

3 weeks in pictures

Judah Caleb Coston

I cant tell you how many times I have sat down to write this the last 3 weeks. So glad I finally got a chance to finish it!

For those of you who care about the gory details of the birth story, this post is for you! Here we go...
So even though this was my third go around having a baby, I felt very much like a rookie. I had gestational diabetes with my other 2 kids but was fortunate enough not to have it with Judah. Standard practice for a pregnancy with diabetes is usually to induce, so both times I went into the hospital without contractions and left the hospital with a sweet baby in my arms. Honestly, it freaked me out a little bit when I found out I didnt have GDM with Judah because I knew that meant I could possibly go into labor naturally... and thats just what happened.

I had an appointment the Friday of Memorial Day weekend and she told me I was at a 3 and if I wanted to make it through the weekend without going into labor, to let everyone else do everything for me. (yeah right, like that was going to happen) Anyway, after the appointment I started contracting more that before and that continued through the weekend. We finished Mattyard Hideaway (!) went to the beach, relaxed, decided on a name, and tried to get a few things done with our long weekend. Well, Monday night around 8pm the contractions changed from Braxton Hicks to the real deal. That night they got down to 6 minutes apart, but never reached the coveted 3-5 minutes apart needed to go into the hospital. I couldn't sleep past about 5:30 am so I got up and contemplated calling the Dr. but instead I just called my mom. :) She was coming to our house that day and I knew she would be up. Well, within the next half an hour, my contractions went to 10 minutes apart and stayed that way the rest of the day. Talk about annoying, disappointing, frustrating etc! By 2 pm, after contracting for 18 hours, I called the Dr. and they fit me in for an appointment. She told me I was at a 4 and that she thought I would go into labor tonight. She was right! By 7 pm I was crawling up the walls, but my contractions were still not at 3-5 minutes apart! I just couldn't take it anymore so I called the hospital and they gave me the green light to come in. We packed up the kids and mom drove me to the hospital. Caleb left work and met us there just as we were arriving. After a wonderful epidural, a few hours of rest, a popsicle, and 3 count them 3 pushes, Judah Caleb Coston was born into the world! He came out and the Dr. said "its a boy! wow, a big boy!" He didnt look that big to me, but apparently he was! 8lbs 1oz 19 3/4 inches long and as beautiful as they come. The kids love their little brother (sometimes a little too much) :) and seem to be welcoming him into our lives. The big battle is to get them to get along with each other! :)

Its hard to believe Judah is 3 weeks old. I just love this kid! I think he might be getting a little spoiled, but I have a hard time just letting him sit on the couch all by himself! He is sleeping well, and is falling into a nice little schedule. Im just praying my milk supply can keep up with his appetite.

I leave you with the first family of 5 picture... we are so blessed...